tuesday, october 9th
assimilation
it's the most beautiful autumn day outside and i just shouldn't be sitting in front of a computer.
but here i am, and i have just been hit hard with this town by the sea. consider me floored. i forgot how super cool this place is. crowds of foreign students flirting and smoking outside the little mall, some guy sitting on the pavement playing the passanger by iggy pop as boys with knotty happy locks throw koosh balls around. and the sea sparkles and two girls holding hands with gorge punk rock pink hair sail by me. as i said, floored.
and yesterday i met up with my ex-boy, and i'd almost forgotten how funny and mean and cool and contrary he is, and it was just a good time. it was kinda weird at first, but then we goofed off and as we walked thru the park under stormy skies after drinking tea together, we ended up laughing about how bad our final year together was. i didn't think that could ever happen with an ex-boy, and i am so happy that it can. and i want to say more but i'm not gonna spool bout ex-boy on the interweb. cause that just isn't cool.
i got a photograph taken of myself for my brand new bus pass, and it's in black and white and i look insane in the picture. like, demonic insane. i have mad blue eyes in real life but in the picture they're insanely bizarre and almost see thru and i am just waiting for a bus driver to check if i'm possessed or just to fall down laughing. i want to scan this picture but i can't find a scanner around anywhere, so you'll just have to use yr imagination. as madonna once said, that's what it's for.
and i'm staring out of the bus window, right, just reading the nme and letting the fading sunlight just hang there on my hair, and i'm thinking that i'm gonna be ok this year. it's all about assimilation. you can't think that one country is better than another or any of that bullshit. for every posh annoying girl on the bus who is talking on her mobile phone about how drunk she got last night, there was a frat boy behind me on the bus in noo joisey telling the entire state just how drunk he got last night. people are the same all over the world. and the weird thing is, it's usually the annoying idiots who keep me grounded. i have seen these girls i lived with in my first year here, and we're all gonna meet up sometime soon. they were very cool, and i was just so angsty about being here in my first year that i don't think they ever saw the best of me. they saw the don't talk to anyone, sit in yr room and play guitar sophie, which is just a little bit of what i am. i came back from india very shy.
last night some boy just walked into my room when i was at that vulnerable almost asleep stage and i have never felt so scared. i couldn't sleep for quite a time after that. but what the fuck.
suds at