wednesday, october 3rd
yr like a pavement song
i like the american sunshine hitting me upside my head as i walk down wide pavements, as cars booming ah n bee hits drive by, slow. i like how the buses smell like last year and comfort and how people glide by me like summer fish. i like the candles that burn at night, the low records and as i fell asleep i can hear soriety girls screaming (it's rush week). i like all of this, and that's why i can't sleep. yesterday i fell into swollen grass and curled up like a cat in sunlight with howards end by e.m forster and i wanted to just lie invisible. gotta keep moving, can't stick around
my hair is in messy knots, and i am all bleary eyed, but i want to see everything and yesterday i sat outside under a tree with josh and all these people were coming by and waving and they just didn't know that i'm only here for one more day, then i'm gone. it seems so normal to be here. and this time next week i'll be back at the college by the sea, with lessons and new flatmates and a new room with a view and. i am 'hit the ground running' by smog.
you know, one time, lucy and me, we wanted to get matching star tattoos on our feet but we never did it. i like the fact that i can get pink lemonade lipgloss and watch mtv and nine oh two one oh at nine am if i want to. i like that i am taking mean black and white pictures of things that stop me as i walk. there was a 'find em, nuke em' sign on someone's green car. i like being on bust time. there was this one boy, when i was fourteen, and we tried hard to be in love but we were stupid and we couldn't. i still have his dinosaur jr tee. i like josh's tummy a whole lot.
i went to lay-z shopper and the man behind the counter who knows me well thru my malboro menthol ultra lights 100s fixation (my dream cigarettes) and snapple love, said welcome back, it's been awhile. and i told him i was only here for a few more days and i could have kicked myself. why don't i just stay here? i have yet to see some real live cheerleaders. or a baseball game. or people spontaneously break dancing. (josh's ex girlshape was the head cheerleader at her high school, how super cool must she be? ex girlshapes weird me out) yesterday i spent two hours at the noodle place writing endless answers to impossible questions and left a $2 tip with a 20p coin.
chris greeted me with a kiss, said sonic youth are playing two days after i leave, and that sharks are sweet. i like people who think sharks are sweet. luba said that she's gonna be like me and just head on out to paris sometime soon. you just gotta live while you can. i love maryso bad.
suds at